Ducks and Death

So I went by the lake to see where the hell the ducks go when it's all cold and icy. Well, it was so goddam cold I thought I was going to die and get pneumonia. Another bad thing that happened was I dropped a record I had bought for Phoebe earlier and the goddam thing just broke to pieces. I should have just given her an iTunes gift card or something. But the thing is, a record is something you can hold in your hand. It's not like an iPod that's full of every song in the world.

Well, it was really cold and I was going to die and all, and then I started to think about Allie. You know who Allie is, he's my brother, or really he was my brother before he died of leukemia and all. I was so angry after that, that I started to punch the garage windows, and I goddam missed his funeral because I was in the hospital for doing that. Why do people even have gravestones anyway? If I died now, I would want my body to just be thrown in the river or some goddam place. Who wants to put flowers on some dead person's stomach? I mean really, when someone is dead, they're gone. Well, yeah, I know they go to Heaven and all that crap, but really, he's gone for now at least. I mean really, he had a 50/50 chance of surviving with science today. With all the money my parents have, and all of the celebrities doing fundraisers, and all the people doing walkathons, you'd think they'd have the goddam thing cured by now. Why couldn't he at least have been less sick? Then he would have had an even higher goddam chance.